Major arguments and fights are par for the course in a healthy relationship, sometimes these disagreements can be over a trivial matter or over something that can be life changing. Whatever the reason for your argument, you know how uncomfortable it can be to live with a partner who is upset with you.
If you have had a huge fight with your partner and want to makeup with your lover quickly, but aren’t sure of how to go about it, then you are in the right place. The following tips will give you some of the best relationship advice strategies to help you makeup with your lover quickly, no matter how big the fight. Here are 11 strategies to quickly make-up with your partner:
Agree to disagree
Not every fight plays out quickly and is completely resolved after the first session of your argument with your partner. More often than not, there is a lot of unresolved tension and unspoken words after the fight is over. These unresolved issues can and usually will, lead to other fights down the road, some of which may be more severe than the previous fights.
Most people can agree that there are few worse things during a fight than when your partner brings up older arguments to use as ammunition for the current fight, which usually ends up making the argument 10x worse.
What is the best way to deal with these fights you ask? Well, the easiest marriage advice method is to stop the argument before it gets to this level of severity. Thankfully, you can stop the argument quickly through a peaceful resolution of agreeing to disagree.
If you are unsure of what this term means, it is simply where you and your partner recognize that you both have very different opinions on a topic and that it is okay to leave them be. Instead of arguing for hours trying to get the other party to agree with your own opinion, you can simply leave the disparity be.
Stay away from one another for a brief period or cool off in another room
If your argument got particularly nasty and ended messily, marriage advice experts recommend staying away from your partner for a brief period of time. Now, it must be stated that we are not meaning actually separating from your partner, instead we are recommending that you leave your house and go somewhere else for a few hours.
You can go to a family member’s house, a friend’s house, maybe go work out at a gym, or go for run, or just drive for a while. Whatever method you choose is dependent on your own preference and what you think is best for you to do.
The important part of this tip is simply getting away from your partner for a little bit, to prevent restarting the previous fight that just ended and to prevent either you or your partner saying something that you will deeply regret later.
If you feel like leaving the house during an argument is too dramatic and unnecessary, then you can go for the easier method of leaving the room to cool off. It is usually better to go into a room with a door that can lock, so you can be sure that your partner can’t barge into the room without your permission. A locked door also has the benefit of giving you a couple of extra seconds to evaluate if you really feel ready or calm enough to leave the room without restarting the fight you walked away from.
It is also a good idea to give your partner some warning before you walk away, to be sure that your partner realizes what you are doing and why you are doing it instead of physically running away from the argument.
Now onto one of the more well-known methods for making-up with your lover quickly, make-up sex. There are very few mature tv shows and movies that don’t imply that a couple who has fought made up by having amazing make-up sex.
What may be surprising to some however, is that make-up sex has been studied by many psychologists and other relationship advice experts. They found that make-up sex is actually one of the best sexual experiences you can have in a relationship. It works for most couples and can end any harsh feelings and unresolved tension pretty quickly.
Experts believe that the intensity of make-up sex, which is what makes it so great in the first place, stems from the sharp switch of intense emotions like anger or frustration to arousal, which is appropriately named “arousal transfer”. Fortunately, arousal transfer doesn’t only stem from negative emotions such as anger during a fight, it can also be seen in situations of intense happiness. However, the concept of arousal transfer is considered to be what makes make-up sex the best sex there is.
Don’t try to win the argument
Where this fact might be rather obvious, it’s still good to realize that you should not fight with your significant to win the argument. In fact, who wins or loses in this argument should not be a factor or end goal whatsoever.
When you are arguing with your partner, you should try to keep an open mind and try to understand where your partner is coming from. Look at it from their own perspective and try to understand why they are viewing this situation in that light. When you argue to win, people usually tend to shut down the other party’s own argument without paying any mind to where they are coming from.
With this mindset, you will sometimes find yourself missing an important piece of information that may lead to a compromise with your partner. This common ground could put you on the fast track to making up with your partner or stopping the fight all together.
Choose your battles
While this tip won’t help you makeup with your lover quickly, it can help you prevent a fight in the first place. Instead of fighting over every little thing that you disagree with your partner over, you should instead try to choose your battles. If you aren’t sure what we mean by this phrase, we are essentially meaning that you should choose to start an argument over topics that actually matter, instead of the little things.
For example, instead of arguing over the way your partner loads the dishwasher, save the fight for a much larger disagreement, such as finances or raising your child. Picking fights over little disagreements can add fuel to the fire when you do have a large fight and can lead to a big fight over a trivial thing that doesn’t matter in the long run.
Tell a joke or bring humor into the situation
If you are in a big argument with your partner and there is a tense and awkward filled silence, you could always take the chance to tell a stupid joke or pun to break the tension. More often than not, getting your partner to smile or laugh could stop the argument in its tracks, or at least make it less intense. Using this method is not always recommended however, because there is a chance that telling a joke to break the silence could make the argument worse.
Give each other a hug
If you don’t feel comfortable telling a joke, or you don’t believe it would go over well with your partner, you could try to give your lover a hug during a pause in the argument. While they may struggle at first, usually your lover will melt in your hug, releasing any tension and hopefully will let the argument go.
If nothing else, you will still get a sweet hug that will delay the argument for a later date in time, instead of now.
Kiss each other
Another risky tactic that has the potential to completely stop an argument in its tracks is to kiss your lover during a lull in the yelling. This tactic is considered risky as it also has the potential to make the argument even worse or your lover more upset with you.
On the contrary, however, a quick kiss could lead to the fight turning into make-up sex, which can greatly help the argument end.
Directly apologize to the other party, in person
A huge mistake that many people make after a big fight is apologizing to the other party involved over email or text message, instead of in-person or over the phone. Understandably, most people feel embarrassed after a huge fight and no one enjoys admitting that they were wrong.
For this reason, it becomes apparent that apologizing through a text message is the easiest method of apologies and requires less effort on your own end. On the contrary, while apologizing through texts seem like the best option, it is actually the worst thing you can do after a fight.
See, the whole point of apologizing is to someone is to show that you are sincerely regretful for your role in the fight and want to try and make amends with your partner. When apologizing it isn’t solely about what you say, but your body language and tone of voice both play a vital part in how your apology is received. When apologizing over text message, there is no hint of your tone of voice or body language, what the person reads is what they get; and there is an extremely good chance that the other party will read the apology as sarcastic or insincere.
An insincere apology is the last thing you want after a huge fight, as this can make your partner feel even more betrayed and mad at you, no matter how sincerely apologetic you are. Essentially, if you are going to apologize and you want your apology to be taken seriously, then make sure to do it in person and not over text message.
Explain your feelings and why you feel this way
A very important aspect to a relationship is being able to explain your emotions and arguments in a way that properly communications your fears and frustrations, without putting your partner down or making them feel guilty. This important fact doesn’t only help you makeup with your lover quickly after a big argument, it can actually prevent an argument from happening in the first place.
Quite a few fights, both big and small, happen because of general misunderstandings that could have been prevented in the first place, which is why you must learn how to appropriately communicate with your partner. Communicating well can help you ensure that your partner understands your feelings and perspective, and also allows you to be sure you know what your own perspective is and why you feel this way.
Recognize why you started fighting in the first place
For many arguments, there is a “moral” of the story, meaning that there is a piece of information that you have learned after the argument. This piece of information could entail why this argument happened in the first place, allowing you and your partner to know what to avoid starting another argument, or it could be a more personal, such as a fact that you did not realize about yourself or your lover.
Either way, arguments can reveal the best preventive measures for arguments and disagreements later on in the relationship. Arguments should also be treated as a means to learn more about your partner after the fact, such as how well they handle stress, or more physical triggers, such as how little sleep can affect their mood and temperament.
Having arguments here and there are vital for a growing relationship and are a sign that your relationship is healthy. While you shouldn’t fight all the time, minor disagreements are to be expected during your life together.
Sometimes you will have a major fight that makes you question your relationship with your partner, or even a big argument that takes your partner awhile to calm down and stop being upset. If you have had a major fight that is taking time to get over, try to think back to these tips listed above to hopefully help you makeup with your lover quickly.