Speed dating, which is a matchmaking process, with the purpose of encouraging singles to meet a number of potential partners in a very short period of time, has become very popular in modern times. But what are the common mistakes participants make? What are the pros and cons of speed dating? In this article we are going to look at exactly that and even dive deeper to see the problems that may arise in marriages between couples who speed date. First, let us start by looking at the common mistakes that participants make.
Mistakes to Avoid when Having a Speed Date
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A poor start to a conversation
Not having an interesting way to start the conversation will see you starting with simple greetings. This way of speed date will not take you far and the other person will lose interest in the conversation. This will lead to you discovering little or nothing interesting about the other person.
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Too much negativity
Make sure that you avoid negativity. Negativity will not win you a lot of points but will portray you as a negative person who does not see the positive side of things. So strive to be as positive as you can as positive people tend to attract people.
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Poor communication skills
Due to the limited time allocated for each conversation during a speed date, you should make sure that the conversation remains a conversation and not a monologue where one dominates the whole session. Dominating the conversation will make the other person view you as self-centered or nervous.
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Lack of initiative
It’s common for men to take the lead, so when taking part in speed dating show some initiative and control the initiative. Have some concrete ideas of what you want during the dating session.
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Poor preparations for first timers
If you will be taking part in your first speed date make sure you prepare adequately. Ask for dating tips and dating advice from friends who have experienced it or look it up on the internet. Most participants, even regular participants, of speed dating events fail to prepare for the occasion. As a result of inadequate preparations, these people end up freaking out during the event and end up not gaining even in terms of dating advice from the event.
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Giving up early
The task of finding the right person is never easy and never will it be easy. If you were disappointed at your first speed date, it is not the case that every speed date that will follow will turn out the same. Remember that you want a happy marriage not a marriage filled with marriage problems. So don’t give up too soon as doing so will not help you in your quest to find the right person.
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Being interested in age and looks
You should have your attention on compatibility with the other person and where you have common interests as opposed to looks and age. Concentrating on looks and age will cause you to lose on a potential partner. So the next time you decide to take part in a speed dating event, don’t follow the pack who concentrate on looks and end up missing out on someone who would have made a loving and caring partner. Just be open and take advantage of the time and try and learn about the other person’s character and personality.
Related: 15 Secrets You Should Forever Keep from Your Lover
Pros of Speed Dating
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Great for busy people
These events are great for those with a busy schedule who don’t have time to go around to look for new dates. Most of these type of people don’t get time to socialize. When they look for dating advice they are most likely directed to these speed dating events as they take a short time. Such people go to these events with the hope of getting the right partner whom they will have a happy marriage with no marriage problems.
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The best place to meet new people
Speed dates are good places to meet new people who are like you in terms of personality. Introverts for example will see this type of dating as a good opportunity to meet a partner who is like them as socializing with people in the real world is a challenge to them.
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It is cheap
Speed dating is cheap and pocket-friendly so if you are looking for something that may lead to a happy marriage and at the same time inexpensive then this is for you. For only 20$-30$ you get to have a fun-packed night with drinks and a meal.
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Not under pressure to choose a partner
Unless you are interested and decide to choose a partner, one is never under pressure to choose a partner at a speed dating event. So don’t go to a speed dating event with the idea that you must get a couple. If you are not lucky then just get some dating tips and dating advice being offered, then move on to another speed dating event.
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Opportunity to meet a partner
A lot of people have actually met their partners on such events and have moved on to get married and live a happy marriage with a little marriage advice here and there. You may also end up meeting your special someone at one of these events and with whom you will have a happy marriage. So have a positive attitude when attending such events and if one does not turn out the way you expected it to, don’t give up but keep pushing until you get the right partner for you.
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Minimal rejection
If one reason or another your choice does not choose you, you won’t have invested a lot in terms of time, money or emotions.
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Get to have an experience
You also get to gain some skills when it comes to dating. Speed dating events offer the participants a chance to experience a new form of dating and give dating tips and dating advice at the end of the sessions.
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Removes uncertainty
Participants of speed dating don’t have to worry about the other person not showing up since they are assured that there will always be a person. Since speed dates are only for singles only, participants can be sure that the other person is single and looking for someone compatible whom he/she can enter into a relationship with and hopefully end up in a happy marriage that does not require them looking for marriage advice every time there are marriage problems.
Related: 20 Reasons You Need to Know about Dating a Foreigner
Cons of Speed Dating
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Tends to favor looks over compatibility
Speed dating favors good-looking participants who have an outgoing personality. This is due to many participants looking at the looks of their potential partners as opposed to compatibility. This leaves those participants who are not especially attractive, or those who are shy, not getting a fair share at such events.
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Looks and first impressions may be misleading
Speed dating depends on looks and first impressions may sometimes be misleading. That person who impressed you within the first five minutes may turn out to be a slug after a few weeks of dating. Next time you take part in a speed dating event, keep in mind that happy marriages are not a result of physical appearance but by the two of you being compatible with each other.
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Not enough time to know each other
The few minutes allocated for each date is not enough for both parties to know each other well. You run the risk of turning down a potential partner who did not seem to be your type initially. For those who take time warm up in a conversation, they may find that by the time the bell goes off they didn’t get to know anything important about the other person.
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Don’t have any control over who turns up at the event
It is like going to a blind date with the only certainty that there will be a person for you to meet. People have gone to such events only to satisfy their x’s. So every time you attend such events be prepared for anything. If no one meets your expectations, you end up feeling as if you wasted your time participating in the event.
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Competing for the right person
When you attend speed dates, you all are competing for the right person. So your determination to win that person’s attention will be the one that hands you an opportunity to go to a real date with that person.
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Uneven number of men to ladies
Since there may be an uneven number of men to ladies, at some point, you may be forced to double up on dates. This means that two guys will be talking to the same lady at the same time.
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Be patient if you want to know how you performed
After filling in all the forms as to who impressed you, you need to wait because feedback does not come immediately but after a few days. So, you should be patient if you want to know how you performed.
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The other persons’ intentions may be unclear
Though your intentions for attending a speed date event may be clear, the other persons’ intentions may be unclear. For some it will be to forget about a previous relationship, some to get a partner to have fun with for a short time while for others it is all about getting a soul mate.
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Not a romantic place to meet your better half
The story of how you met will not be the best of stories for family and friends. You may even be ashamed of telling people how you met and tried to conceal this fact.
Couples who meet at speed dating events may end up marrying each other. Just like any other marriage, their marriage will not always be a bed of roses. At some point, they will face some marriage problems which may even require marriage advice to solve.
Related: Sex Tips and Ideas for Couples
Speed Marriage Problems
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Revealing bad habits
Your partner may start revealing some bad habits that he/she was hiding during the dating period.
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Infidelity
After getting into a marriage with a speed dating partner whom you did not take time to know better, you may come to learn later in the union that that was not the right partner for you. As a result, these couples sometimes start looking for pleasures elsewhere as they are not happy with each other.
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Different values and beliefs
One spouse may have different values and religious beliefs which will manifest after getting married. If these differences are not appropriately handled through marriage advice, the married couples may end up getting divorced and finding themselves back where they started.
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Jealousy
If your partner is overly jealous then being with them, or around them, can become a difficult challenge. Being excessively jealous can strain your relationship and eventually end due to overstraining.
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Sexual differences
Your spouse may start displaying some sexual habits that you never knew when you were dating. If you cannot meet his/her sexual desires, then this may culminate into bigger problems as intimacy is crucial in a long-term relationship. This may call for marriage advice from marriage expects if the couple wants to save their marriage otherwise, their relationship is doomed to fail.
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Money issues
His is one of the primary causes of problems in many marriages. The two of you should come up with a way of handling your finances. Otherwise, money-related issues will lead to related problems that later leads to dire consequences.
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Poor communication
Communication is crucial in any relationship. People should learn to communicate with each other in a respectful manner. Otherwise, one of you may feel ignored which may lead to other serious problems.
Related: 20 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting Married
Conclusion
Speed dating can be challenging for first timers, but with time and preparations, by seeking both dating tips and dating advice you will finally get better at it. This method of dating has also resulted in happy marriages. So if you have not made up your mind as to whether to take part in one or not, my advice is, go on and give it a try. Your luck may be waiting there.
